SB – Don’t encourage him to bring anything with gunpowder in it, no matter how slight.

Gem – Yes, you even set your alarm that day. hehe

Vivek – Thanks for coming back!

And then it occurred to me that crackers contain gunpowder.

And Orange jumpsuits don’t suit me (although I suspect Guatanamo sunshine would improve my pallid British complexion no end – well, right up until the point it sears my face to a pleasing shade of over-cooked Christmas turkey).

SO my question here is: can Christmas crackers be taken (legally) to Barak’s brave new world? If so do I run the risk of being sniffed out by some automated terrorist-detecting electronic nose thus resulting in hours of gentle and insistent probing by the Department of Homeland Insecurity?

I’m keen to avoid prolonged contact with water boards of any kind – especially since I genuinely do not know the colour of Osama Bin Laden’s pyjamas and other such useful information and therefore can only say “I have no idea, please stop doing that thing to my belly-button” which is, of course, exactly what they would expect me to say if I was a filthy truth-witholding enemy of the state…

I get a lot of those feelings and thoughts everytime I fly here, even after all these years. Mostly it’s centered around the ‘will they let me in’ thought.

One light item for you to bring, Ian. A small box of Christmas crackers. Wearing the hats, reading the stupid jokes and pulling the crackers will go down a treat here.

Hey, and it all happens again at Christmas – except you’re there…and I’m there!!! Woop woop!