I had quite a rough day yesterday (nothing Ian-related, btw). I don’t handle conflict well. My normal method involves quite a bit of being upset, being angry, being hurt, arguing my point, people ignoring my point and going on with their own and then my not being able to let go of it for a bit.
It takes me awhile to get over being angry or hurt. Does it you?
I was lying in bed this morning with a flurry of thoughts going through my head. I don’t feel like I am a strong person, but I want to be. Yesterday, I laid out a compromise plan and intend to stick by it. In this case, no one can make me (or us) do what we don’t want to do. I hate feeling weak and feeling like I can be pushed around, because, even though I try to be nice and give people what they want, I’m important to, and frankly, I’m not going to be pushed around.
I was lying in bed trying to stop thinking about annoying things. I’ve found a few happy places to go to, like Ian’s old flat in Milton Keynes on the first day I arrived in October of last year. I was napping, thinking about how wonderful it was to finally be with Ian, and listening to the sound of the construction in the building next door. You might think this wouldn’t be too relaxing, with the construction and all, but the rythmic boom of what they were doing lulled me to sleep.
I said a little prayer and asked God for some help coping with things. I think what I need to ask for is more strength and determination.
In other, more happy news, having Ian here is wonderful, even though sometimes I feel sorry for the earfuls he’s had to have lately (at least they’re not about him). lol It’s good to have our little family together. Yesterday, I found Ian on the couch singing to himself. He was singing the “Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I’m going to go eat worms” song. I was mad at my day at the time and opened up a book I checked out from the library so I could focus on.. anything.
A few minutes later, he was still singing this song, but I had no idea why. I looked up at the tv, and there was the “Hello Kitty” DVD playing. LOL. Poor man. I stopped the DVD, and then we both realized we’d missed Flash Forward, but there was still time to see Grey’s Anatomy (part of it) and The Practice. I found a beer in the fridge. We split the beer, watched TV and went to bed.
We went shopping last night. We bought a new DVD player and some presents for Ian’s birthday, which is next week. Exciting!
Have a good day, people. Tell all the bad people to take a flying leap. You’ll thank me later.