This is what I took away.

The book mentioned that paying child support on a regular basis is important. Parents receiving child support depend on that money. It’s an amount derived from pay information and put through a calculation to determine. Not receiving child support can be a source of stress, inability to pay bills, etc. The parent with the physical custody may have to use money meant for bills to fill the gap, which is not always possible… or fair. But it is both stressful and unlawful.

The other information I thought helpful involved spending time with the child, and putting them first, even ahead of your own feelings; not last. This can be accomplished by:

1. establishing a dependendable parenting schedule and trying not to cancel or be late picking up or dropping off. It causes stress to the parent who is waiting and causes stress to the child not knowing what is going on.
2. being prepared for “adjustment time” between households, and don’t take things so personally. Kids may seem withdrawn when first arriving to or from visitation with the other parent. This is normal. It’s taking things in and assimilating to a different environment.

I don’t always know the perfect thing to do or say, but some of the important things come instinctively. A kid is not a mini-adult. They are just a kid with childlike understanding of the workings of the world and life. Normally, the are not attempting to hurt anyone’s feelings (unless you have just taken away their TV or texting venue… or grounded them).

Also, many arguments regarding parenting time come from parents planning activities (and expecting the child to float along) during someone else’s parenting time. Hope for flexibility, but don’t expect the other parent to give up plans to suit your plans. Be considerate of the other parent’s time by being on time where possible.

Delays which cannot be helped are best addressed through thoughtful, immediate communication. The underlying concept is “consideration” for other people and trying to make things easier on everyone.

“To make parenting time easier for each other, you and your former spouse need to respect each other’s time. This means, for example, not trying to switch times or cancel taking the kids at the last minute without a good reason. When doing this, a parent sends the message that the other parent’s time and plans are unimportant.”

Stressful.   And here’s this:

“Cutting off entirely from a child can have disastrous consequences. The feeling of abandonment that may result can remain with a child for his or her entire life.”

What parents do really does give their children a model to work from. I would rather have my child learn to be prompt, considerate, courteous and dependable, than the opposite.

I’m not perfect by any means. I just do what I can, with whatever wits I have available at the time to work with. I honestly thank my husband for his undying support always, even when I’m stressed out or ranting and keep asking for support with the same issues. He’s a lifesaver and my strength when I don’t have any left. And thanks to others, including my family, who get to listen to me, as well, and offer insight and help when I need it.

P.S. If you’d like to borrow this book, just let me know. Barnes and Noble allows 14-day electronic lending, in a legal sort of way (of course).

www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BtqElO1OX4

I got some nice presents, including a Cuttlebug that I can use with my cardmaking.    TLK and I had fun making cut-out butterflies and frogs, and playing with embossing, which I must say… using a machine to emboss is much easier than hand-embossing… more dramatic and less painful. 

The people at work bought me an ice cream cake and my friend put a banner on my cubicle so everyone knew.    I received flowers from my family in Texas and the funniest card from my family in Kansas.   I put a call into my parents via Skype, but had to leave a message.  Not sure if they’ll hear the voice mail.  My dad says he can’t get through the Italian prompts.. but maybe he can by now. 

We went to Applebees for dinner, which was nice.  They have good steaks and something wonderful called “Peach Sangria”    Yum

Oh, and everyone I knew on FB said, “Happy Birthday”, which was fun. 

Overall, a really good day.   It is good to be 23 again.  “Mommy counts backwards now”.  LOL.

It’s funny to watch them.   At one point, one walked near the water, started honking loudly and jumped into the water, still honking. Once it swam around for a bit, it quieted down.   I’m not sure what it’s concern was, if it had one.  Maybe it just felt like honking.

Sunday, there was shopping (something I’m not entirely fond of for long periods of time) and the World Cup finals, which was really exciting.   No, I didn’t cry for Spain.  Do you believe me?     I felt bad for Netherland, and although there is always “next time”, some of those people won’t be playing soccer next time.      They all played their best, it seemed, and were well-matched in the end.

Ian seems to have recovered from a severe bout of sinus issues.     Nothing tea, marmite toast and lots of meds couldn’t resolve, thankfully.   And TLK has lost another tooth, which is good, because her teeth were beginning to get a bit crowded.  She’s always a year or two ahead of where she should be with teeth.

She was a little miffed when she thought the tooth fairy only left her a quarter.. but actually, it was $3.25 (still not the $20 she was hoping for).  I mean, I know about inflation, but one tooth?  $20?  lol

I think that’s about it.   Is it Monday already?

Not that it would have mattered, I guess.   But the US still had a shot.

I’m not fond of Germany, mainly because they beat the UK, but they do play well, and I guess I’d be more inclined to support a European team, only because I like the way they play (no silly lying down games on the pitch, for example).

We’ll see what the weekend brings. 

Sometimes to be happy, and to move on, you have to shove things in virtual boxes.

Or, I may have an expedition in bento making.

Sunday is Father’s Day.   Happy Father’s Day to all the dads, step-dads, grandpa’s and people who are technically not dads, but elected to take on the role anyway.   Go you!

I’ve always been a proponent of “be who you are; not who someone wants you to be”.   Realising that not only can you NOT force people to change dramatically, but that, in the end, they will eventually revert back to “who they are”, is life-changing.    People have a right to be who they are.   You can’t *make* them change.. they have to choose the change that makes sense, if any.

When people lure you away from what you know you should be doing with jealousy and anger, your compliant reaction only benefits them, validates their reaction, and takes quite a bit away from you.  

I know this is all convoluted, but if I’ve learned anything in the last two years, it’s that you have to look inside yourself and always do the thing you feel  is right, especially when it’s for the benefit of yourself and the benefit of others.

And it doesn’t cause you to snipe at people like a mad bastard.

(and just in case you’re wondering, this has nothing at all to do with Ian)